May Contain Nuts

Upon inspecting most foodstuffs nowerdays, you'll find a warning. No it's not that government "salt awareness" campaign... all though. I'm just waiting for the Government to get together with the people who make the "THINK" adverts.

I can imagine that advert now... you see a garden... and a voiceover comes on "Sidney, knew his killer"... then you see some kid throw some salt into the garden and it hits Sidney who is a slug... the word SALT comes up in big letters. "The biggest killer since the invention of the bear"

Anyway, I digress, as per usual... The warning is this. "MAY CONTAIN NUTS", and you'll find it on everything from chocolate bars to beef burgers and even on packets of nuts!

I'd hate to be allergic to nuts, 90% of all the products out there have that warning that they may contain nuts, as they're made in the same factory as nut products... so why are all these products being made in nut factories? Why can't all the nut products be made in one factory, and then all the other sorts of products made in seperate ones. Like an apple factory for all apple based foods, or a milk factory for anyting that has milk in it.... I'd say Chocolate factory, but they tend to be run by paedophiles... Charlie found out that the hard way bless him...

What worries me the most is the fact that these people don't know IF there are nuts in their products... what are these factories like that they can't guarantee non-cross-contamination? Do these factories have all their nuts on a large conveyor belt with holes in it, suspended above all the other conveyor belts with the other products on them? Or are these workers in the factories sadistic people who slip nuts into 1 in 10 products? Or is it more sinister...

Lady and Gentleman that read my ramblings...

I reveal the truth behind the May Contain Nuts conspiracy...

I have found evidence that the nut companies run everything, from the prices of oil to what music is released. They're behind every political assassination ever, and why? You ever hear of the New World Order? Well these guys are the Nut World Order, they have created a chemcial that makes people allergic to nuts, and have slowly been putting into various countries water supplies... turning average people into non-nut eating folk. Then the companies have been placing nuts into every food stuff on earth. Their goal? To kill off a percentage of the population so that they may control the remenants! They've been doing it for years, slowly killing us off one by one.

I'm putting myself on the line just saying this... please, you must unite against the nut companies for they are evil... oh shit... they've found me... they're coming up the stairs... oh no! They're in the room and instead of running or doing something I am writing everything that is happening... even putting in extra full stops and exclamation marks to make this more dramatic! I'll probably stop halfway through a word to make it look even wo

[Editorial Note: None of these events happened, please return back to your regular mundane internet browsing, everything is good in life. Eat Nuts.]