The Baby Blog: My reaction

Like most couples, we'd had our share of "scares" in the past, so when my long suffering lady wife Louise was telling me that she couldn't remember the last time Aunt Flo had visited, I paid it no real attention.

We'd been at a friends wedding, and I recall Lou had been complaining about how her bra's were too small. I blamed the tumble dryer for this (I also blame the tumble dryer if Lou comes home and the house is untidy, and it also gets the blame if the bin wasn't put out) and I thought no more about it.

Then one fateful day, not long after the wedding, I was beckoned upstairs by my lovely wife, for her to reveal that she had done a test, and it had come up positive. All at once I was overcome with joy and disbelief and my face kept switching between two expressions: gob smacked and happy. I must have looked like I was having a series of strokes!

So as the test was a cheap ASDA one (the 11+ of the pregnancy test world), Lou took two more "more reliable" tests, and both of them, after only a minute of conferring with each other, came back saying that we were due to be parents.

It took me a few days to really get my head round the fact, and I just kept thinking "no way, the test's probably wrong". I just didn't trust the technology and wanted a doctor or someone official to confirm it, but the midwife just took our word for it and it wasn't until the ultra-sound till I had someone say "and there's the baby"

A load of worries dawned on me when I realised I'm going to be a father. There's so much I need to do, to prepare, to buy and to learn, before the little one arrives.

I always thought I've got a lot of love to give to a child, and I'm not the dumbest person in the world, so I've got a lot of knowledge to give (some of it useful) but things dad's can do, I can't. You think of your stereotypical father, and they're good with cars and DIY and you know, just manly stuff. But I didn't pay attention in Design Technology and was always worried I'd get a splinter or burn myself, like the wimp I am, and I'm far from manly.

But all my worries (and there are a lot) are overshadowed by the thought of having a mini version of me and Lou running around. I had joked with Lou from the offset that if we were to ever have children, they'd come out 3 foot tall, have claws and razor sharp teeth and they'd try and kill her. Hopefully this wont be the case, and it'll inherit Lou's good looks and my wit. If it's the other way round... god help us all!

The Baby Blog

For those readers who choose to read my blog, and for those who are currently in a North Korean jail cell being forced to read the crap I write as a form of punishment, I'd like to let you know that I am about to embark on my most adventurous adventure yet (previous adventures being surviving puberty and climbing mount Snowdon)

As you know, I use this blog to offload the creative juices that ooze out of my pores like the poison those south American tree frogs secrete from theirs. Unlike tree frog poison, my creative juices won't kill you, in fact I'm always passing a mug of my secretion around for all to sip from... and on that note, my long suffering lady wife Louise is going to become a mother. Luckily, I too shall be becoming a parent!

These blog entries are usually full of my views on the world, or stories to raise a smile or cast a frown, but I shall be taking some time to write up what you humans call "thoughts and feelings" and will be boring you all no doubt with my journey to parenthood.