Winter Wonderland

Hello everyone! :D

It's nearly christmas, as I'm sure you're aware. If you are not aware then I suggest you become aware and get down to some shops, spend more money than sense on things your friends and family don't need and then celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ by opening presents and worshipping Coca Cola's idol. I have something similar happen on all my birthdays.

If you do not celebrate christmas you are either dead or of a different religion, which is a shame, as christmas is fun if you get into it.

Now the real crux of this blog update, is confusion on my part. I've been listening to several xmas jingles to get my mind into the swing of things.

Winter Wonderland came on and I was joyfully listening, but then in my child like mind I had to re-listen to a verse:

In the meadow we can build a snowman
and pretend that he is Parson Brown
he'll say are you married we'll say no man
but you can do the job when you're around (or whilst in town)

Now for years I had presumed this was the singer being a bit of a slut. Saying that they wern't married but that they were open to offers, wink wink nudge nudge, a nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!

I always thought that was an odd message for a christmas song, and thought maybe that song helped contribute to the decay of western society. However a very good friend of mine explained it to me saying that the Parson can get the (couple?) married, not that he could fill in for the bride/groom.

I also thought that "I'm ever woman" used to be "Climb every woman" and could never really understand what the hell that was on about. Then there's that song "what's she gonna look like with a chimney on her" which is what they actually sing, yet I am still none the wiser as to what it's about, maybe the titular woman will be filling in for santa this year? Hmm....

Well I hope you all have a very merry christmas, and I imagine that like me you will be rigging up your house "Home-Alone" style in an effort to capture the intruder known as Santa Claus.

It not be long

I've now removed my stomach and replaced it with a glass box, so I'm feeling much better now, thanks for asking... wait, what do you mean you didn't ask? You don't care right, well screw you! Screw you in the ear!

Theres some crazy shit happening in the world at the moment, a Cholera outbreak, a civil war or 2, Pirates of the Somalia Carribbean, my stomach, and people being found guilty of kidnapping their own child just to get money. Seriously, it makes you wonder what's round the corner? The answer to this question is of course Christmas.

I heard "do they know it's christmas time at all?" on the radio today, and although I am with them on the whole charity front, the line about it never snowing in Africa always bugs me. So are they behind snow in Africa then, I mean they've got enough worries, now they want them to freeze to death? I mean it's one extreme to another, mixed messages. Sort it out. Besides, isn't there snow up Mt. Killymonjary? (Spelt as wrongly as I could)

I am a fan of Christmas songs, but some just make me shudder with disgust or disbelief. I mean, what the hell is "O Christmas Tree" about? So they're worshipping tree's instead of Jesus at Christmas now are they? Don't get me wrong, I'm not big on the bible, but I did see something in there about worshipping false Idols.

Well, I'm gonna head off now, the wolves are closing in...

Another fruitless question

One day there was Mr. Religion, and he told everyone the universe was created by an etheral being and let's not ask any questions about it, but just have faith. Things were going well for Mr. Religion, until a new guy moved into the neighbourhood. His name was Mr. Science, and he drove a Honda.
Mr. Science turned up with all these things called facts, and has been trying to disprove Mr. Religion for millenia.

The Bible, we all know of it, have either read or been read parts of it, maybe seen the movie, laughed at it's inaccuracies and wondered why Dinosaurs and Aliens were left out of it?

Mr. Religion would have you believe that Mr. Science planted that evidence for people to find, and that we are the only people in the whole universe, but when I was at the natural history museum, a young boy named Gustafahoff asked me "Why are there no dinosaurs in the bible?" I asked him to mind his own business and walked off, but it made me think, why are there no dinosaurs in the bible?


So I got in touch with my old friend Professor Katz, who is no longer with Oxford University due to constant harrasment. After breaking into his old office, I hacked his computer and found out that he was staying at his holiday home in Vermont. Once in Vermont, I fought a polar bear, drank my weight in moutain dew and then confronted the Professor on the issue. Professor Katz told me "I haven't any idea, would you please put the gun down and leave me alone!?"


As Mr. Science's representative didn't know the answer, I thought that maybe Mr. Religion's representative would know. Unfortuantley The Pope is a little harder to get hold of thanks to the restraining order he put on me, and I can't stand of holy land after that pact I made with the devil, so the answer, like many of the answers I seek, will remain a mystery... but here's a nice picture I drew, which explains why the Martians are so pissed at us.