Today I decided to have a microwaveable meal from Tesco's. After walking past the cake Isle and "accidently" knocking over and destroying there Mince Pies, I arrived at the "Ready meal" section and picked up something "tasty" for my lunch. (mental note, don't use as many "quote" marks in a "sentence" again)
However, as I put it in the microwave I noticed a button on the front of the microwave. The Button read "STOP TIME".
I had no idea that microwaves were that sophisticated that they could stop time itself!!
Fearful of what the overlord who I work for would do with our time stopping device I did the only logical thing, I destroyed the microwave with my bear hands, yes I said Bear not Bare.
After successfully defending my home from Bear Attacks last weekend, I made a pare of gauntlets from the carcass's and used them to smash the powerful time stopping device.
I then buried the remains of the microwave in seperate locations, so that's what I've been doing today, and they say my job is dull!!!
Showing posts with label Bears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bears. Show all posts
Friday, 12 September 2008
Friday, 29 August 2008
Are you prepared?
In this day and age, it's more likely to get blown up by a terrorist than say, be killed by a bear... but what if, in a bizarre twist, the terrorists decide to attack us... with bears!?
Sounds silly? Well a man once told me to expect the unexpected, I then spent 3 years in an insane asylum trying to figure out exactly how I was supposed to expect something that is unexpected, for if I expected the unexpected it would then be the expected, not the unexpected, and what I had expected to happen before would then become unexpected because I was expecting something else... the pills helped.
I believe the last thing that I think the "Government" is expecting are terrorist trained bears. I'm sure if you were to take a few pictures over afghanistan you'd see the Bear training camps, or maybe if you look on google maps and squint really hard over Iraq, you might see some.
Founder of the Scout Movement, Baden Powell, if that is his real name, told us to "be prepared", it remains a mystery as to what he wanted us to be prepared for, perhaps the Bears were what he was talking about? Well I like the cut of Powell's Jib. So, much to the protests of my long suffering lady friend, I have bear proofed our house.
To bear proof your house, you will need three things:
1 - a chair
2 - a tree
3 - a shotgun
Step 1 :
Put your chair in the tree, and sit in it with your shotgun
Step 2:
Wait for bears
Good luck! :D
Sounds silly? Well a man once told me to expect the unexpected, I then spent 3 years in an insane asylum trying to figure out exactly how I was supposed to expect something that is unexpected, for if I expected the unexpected it would then be the expected, not the unexpected, and what I had expected to happen before would then become unexpected because I was expecting something else... the pills helped.
I believe the last thing that I think the "Government" is expecting are terrorist trained bears. I'm sure if you were to take a few pictures over afghanistan you'd see the Bear training camps, or maybe if you look on google maps and squint really hard over Iraq, you might see some.
Founder of the Scout Movement, Baden Powell, if that is his real name, told us to "be prepared", it remains a mystery as to what he wanted us to be prepared for, perhaps the Bears were what he was talking about? Well I like the cut of Powell's Jib. So, much to the protests of my long suffering lady friend, I have bear proofed our house.
To bear proof your house, you will need three things:
1 - a chair
2 - a tree
3 - a shotgun
Step 1 :
Put your chair in the tree, and sit in it with your shotgun
Step 2:
Wait for bears
Good luck! :D
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