Thursday, 3 December 2009

Merry Christmas Everyone

The funniest, and also most frightening music video for Christmas is Shakin Steven's "Merry Christmas Everyone"

Every year, I pray that I'll get to see this messed up music video. I love the song, but the video is just plane creepy. I'll put a link down the bottom so you can check it out on YouTube to see if it's just my warped brain that finds this so disturbing.

Okay, so it starts out ok, a nice shot of Lapland? Then you see Mr. Shakin, and he's all cosy in his little red scarf. After attacking a Christmas tree, he then gets onto a sleigh pulled by a mentally disabled elf who takes him to meet "Santa". Or at least a man who claims to be Santa.

This is where it really begins to go downhill, for as soon as Mr. Shakin's arms are in shot, they begin to show they have signs of life, and he points to a reef across the door when he talks about kissing under mistletoe... The guy dressed as Santa seems to enjoy that idea.

Now Mr. Shakin has infiltrated Santa's workshop, and his lower arms begin to move separately from the rest of his body. This is how I'd imagine a T-Rex would dance.
Next is the first of several uncomfortable moments, as he puts his arms on a kids shoulders and holds on to him as he sings about how he wishes every day was Christmas, then looks into the camera and says how "what a nice time to spend the year". Am I the only person who is now thinking that Mr. Shakin is dodgy??

Next we're treated to a montage. A kid with "Santa", several ugly children hitting things with tiny hammers or laughing, shots of animatronic elves with soulless eyes watching the proceedings and then we see a conveyor belt with the worst toys ever made. If any kid received one of those presents on Christmas, I think they would have killed their parents in their sleep.

Anyway, onto the next disturbing shot, as we see Mr. Shakin standing next to a Christmas tree with a little girl sitting uncomfortably in front of the tree with a poorly wrapped present in her hands. Mr. Shakin proceeds with his dinosaur dancing impression, points at the girl and kisses her just before it cuts. Now I've watched this video several times, and you NEVER SEE THAT GIRL EVER AGAIN! In fact, you never see the first kid he was with again either... hmm...

Next it goes to some children having a snowball fight, having a good time... but you know it's not going to last for two reasons. The first reason being that the snowman they're playing around is blatantly a person in costume, so there are even more sinister undertones as to why someone has dressed up and is watching the children without them being any the wiser. The second reason being, that the Peado sledge arrives over the ridge, bringing with it "Santa" and Mr. Shakin.

Mr. Shakin soon joins in with the frivolity throwing his balls at the children... snowballs I'm talking about. Sensing that their is another sexual predator about he hits the snowman with a snowball, and the snowman chases him as best as he can in a large snowman suit whilst "Santa" keeps a lookout for the police or the children's parents.

Mr. Shakin falls over, on purpose of course, and one kid gets a shot in. Then he's knocked over by the Snowman, before we see him escaping downhill... probably to get the police.

"Santa" and Mr. Shakin are next seen at nightfall, looking pretty pleased with themselves, and obviously on the look out for more children. At this point, I'm thinking that Mr. Shakin is actually scarier than the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang. We then see the pair inside "Santa's" house, where Santa has a child on each knee and uses some dodgy hand movements which makes me think he's talking about the size of his cock, Mr. Shakin looks on with one hand in his pocket as he ruts back and forth like he's in mothercare. {Shudder}
However everything ends well. The children have organised themselves into a mob, complete with flaming sticks! And make sure that Mr. Shakin is extradited, where as "Santa" and the snowman will no doubt face criminal charges and some serious prison time there in Lapland. We last see him as he's being taken away by the mentally handicapped chief of police elf woman and it fades to black.

IS it just me? You decide.

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