Tuesday, 30 March 2010

I got me a trophy :D

Howdy to all 3 people who read this!

I know it's been an age since my last update, but please remember that I have other things to do during my day. Work? No, nothing as foolhardy as that, I'm speaking about my plans to destroy Coventry entirely, using an elaborate scheme involving several helicopters and a cunning plan that Shakespeare himself wish he'd come up with, if he were still alive, and if he had planned to destroy Coventry, which as far as I'm aware, he never had that particular ambition... he hated Slough.

But I'll save that for a day when I'm not as busy as I've been.

So, you ask, what HAVE I been doing recently? except for my long suffering lady wife ;)

Well I have been rehearsing for a play that my father wrote from his padded cell, and last saturday we performed it at the Tamworth Drama Festival. Along with my evil brother Kristofus, who you may recall was last seen impaled on Royston's shaft if you followed the Zombie Blog :P

Well, we had a good run at the festival, and in the end, out of the ten possible awards we could have won, we won five of them!

The awards we missed out on were "Best dressed nun", "Most likely to become a prostitute", "Will do anything for fame", "Best use of the word 'Oxymoron" and "Best sex scene"

We however picked up Best Male Lead (me), Best Female Lead (Cheryl), Best Supporting Actor (Kristofus), Best New Play (my pa) and Best overall play of the open festival (my pa)

So finally all that money I invested in mind control paid off, and I was able to jedi mind trick the adjudicator into giving me the trophy! Hazar! :D

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Indian Restaurants

Out of all the cuisines you can dine upon on a night out with a beautiful lady or with some good friends, an Indian Cuisine is low down the list for me.

Top, would be Italian as I lurve pasta, pizza and most things begining with P. I like to try new things at an Italian Restaurant, sure I have my favourites, but I'll be experimental now and again with the food. Getting a side order of bread with a balsamic vinegar and olive oil dip is just a great treat for my pallet and the wine and deserts are always top notch.

An Indian meal however is a different experience alltogether. Firstly, the encyclopedia that they call a menu, only has two meals I am interested in. Korma and Massala, and I'll always get a chicken version of those meals. Starters? Well, I'll have a popodom, but I'm not that fussed about them, it's just a giant crisp with dips.

I can never finish an Indian meal, my plate always looks like I've not touched it! No one likes to spend 30 mins mastercating and have nothing to show for it. I'll always have a beer the size of a small rocket, and be drunk after my 2nd sip, meaning any food I do taste I won't appreciate.

The main problem I have is that I am aware that I am whiter than the tablecloths and am very paranoid of being seen as racist! What an absurd thing right? It's just one of those really odd things to add to the assortment of odd things I have about me.
But because I try overly hard to not be racist, things I say sound wrong, or could be interpreted as racist!

So, in short, if you ever bump into me and want to go for a meal... please please, choose anything other than Indian, as it makes me more akward than Luke Skywalker getting off with Princess Leia only to have Chewbacca walk in and say "Raaaar Raaaarrr Raaaarr, dude... that's your sister."