Friday, 29 August 2008

Are you prepared?

In this day and age, it's more likely to get blown up by a terrorist than say, be killed by a bear... but what if, in a bizarre twist, the terrorists decide to attack us... with bears!?

Sounds silly? Well a man once told me to expect the unexpected, I then spent 3 years in an insane asylum trying to figure out exactly how I was supposed to expect something that is unexpected, for if I expected the unexpected it would then be the expected, not the unexpected, and what I had expected to happen before would then become unexpected because I was expecting something else... the pills helped.

I believe the last thing that I think the "Government" is expecting are terrorist trained bears. I'm sure if you were to take a few pictures over afghanistan you'd see the Bear training camps, or maybe if you look on google maps and squint really hard over Iraq, you might see some.

Founder of the Scout Movement, Baden Powell, if that is his real name, told us to "be prepared", it remains a mystery as to what he wanted us to be prepared for, perhaps the Bears were what he was talking about? Well I like the cut of Powell's Jib. So, much to the protests of my long suffering lady friend, I have bear proofed our house.

To bear proof your house, you will need three things:
1 - a chair
2 - a tree
3 - a shotgun

Step 1 :
Put your chair in the tree, and sit in it with your shotgun

Step 2:
Wait for bears

Good luck! :D


Dagger said...

well if this happens,were well and truly fucked!i dont know about the rest of you but i couldnt aim a shotgun!

Xantiriad said...

I once went hiking in Washington State near Crater Lake. Lot's of bears around there. Spring time too. My idiot mate brought along Beef Jerky in his backpack. Probably the worst thing to carry on you in bear country. You've never seen Englishmen run through the wilderness so fast to get back to the car!

Keith said...

I have long thought that bears would figure highly in the downfall of modern civilization. They have been putting spies amongst us for years now in the form of cuddly wuggly teddy bears. Everyone confides in teddy - even Mr Bush and Mr Brown I dare say. You may think that the terorists are using the bears ... but think again ... the bears may well be using the terrorists to further their aims ...