Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Zombie Survival : Day 11

Never underestimate somebody, that's what I've learnt today. You see I actually underestimated how evil my brother was.

We had managed to find him and his team by following a trail of dead un-dead bodies... does that make sense? I mean is that gramatically correct? What do you call a dead zombie, I mean, that's what a zombie is right it's dead, so how do you refer to something that is dead once it is dead? Do you call it un-un-dead? Ex-un-dead? Re-Dead? Deader than Dead? I must consult Professor Katz at his university for further clarification on this subject...

Well, after following the trail, we found my brother had camped up. By camped up I don't mean that he was wearing pink with his hand on his hips saying "oooh matron", I mean that it was nightfall by the time we found him and him and his team had all erected themselves... a shelter.

There were three large tents and two cages, one with a very angry Un-Dead Braymachine in it and another smaller cage with a winged Pope, with her own little perch. So it seemed my brother and his team had captured our zombie friends, but what was he intending to do with them? Sell them on e-bay like a plot from an amateur improvised film? Hmm... I wasn't sure, but we all wanted to find out.

Polly then suggested that we free the zombies, they'd attack the camp. Royston reminded Polly that this wasn't Jurassic Park 2 and he wasn't Vince Vaughn. So we asked Royston what he thought we should do, his plan sounded good, we'd sneak up to the camp and suprise them. This would have been a good idea, if we hadn't already been spotted.

In true movie style fashion we heard a click behind us, turning round we saw a familar face, holding a gun. It was Alexis, a guy who used to be a good mate, till we found out that he'd been lying about everything, he was actually a spy, working for governments unknown, attempting to learn all of our secrets, and more importantly, the location of Kefeklehania (my home island, whose location is a mystery to anyone who hasn't been there)

"G'day mates" he said in a really bad australian accent, he had an AK-47 in his hands, and had his sight trained on us. He marched us towards the camp in single file, and then knocked Royston out with the butt of his gun, and dragged him into his tent, whilst still keeping his aim on us.
"Oi Oi, I found the others!" he shouted out in an unconvincing cockney accent.

The largest tent opened and my brother came out... ok he's already come out, I mean he came out of the tent. He was wearing a long leather coat, and full battle regalia. He looked like a cross between a roman legionairre and a nazi officer. "Aah... if it isn't my brother, and his little friend Pollyanna, I am so glad you could join us, where are ze other ones?" he asked Alexis.

Alexis spoke in a fake french accent "I only found these two." Polly and I looked at each other, why had Alexis lied to his boss about this? Why Royston? My brother returned to his train of thought "Well, that's a shame. I'm sure they'll show up sooner or later. I have to say, I'm rather impressed at the Zombie Virus (tm) Adamski. It's very potent."

I asked him "What are you doing here?" to which he laughed and replied "I am here for the zombies, with the Zombie Virus (tm) I will be able to destroy all but a few selected individuals from the worlds population and then after the zombies have starved to death I and my children will be able to enter a new world, which I shall control! Why? You didn't think I was just going to sell it on E-Bay did you? Well not since they're cracking down on postage charges anyway, don't they understand that's how you make money on that site?"

His e-bay arguments aside, my brother was obviously a nutter, but in true Bond Villain style we were now his "guests" he got Alexis to slap cuffs on us, and then we were lead into a tent and tied up for good measure. That's why this update has taken me so long to write, I've been using my elbow to write it.

So it's just me and Polly, tied up in a tent, waiting for morning to bring us another day of randomness and confusion. I can't sleep as I keep hearing strange grunting sounds coming from Alexis's tent... I hate to think what is happening to Royston.

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