Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Zombie Survival : Day Four cont...

The scientists notes didn't do much to quell my fears, infact it made me more panicky than a dislexic black guy who realised he's accidently driven to the KKK in search of Kentucy Fried Chicken.

It turned out that I had a few days, like Pope, before turning into a mindless rotting bag of flesh and nashing teeth (but would still have more personality than your average Big Brother contestant!) However there was some light at the end of the tunnel, in the form of Zombie Cure (tm) which (like princess toadstool) was in the OTHER science lab!

I was about to leave when I realised... Polly and Milli would probably ask where Pope was... and I couldn't say "Oh, she has turned into a zombie and bit me, which means I will soon be joining the growing ranks of undead. Don't worry though, she wont be any danger as I locked her in the secret laboratory which created the zombie virus (tm) to which I had prior knowledge of!" I could really see them sympathising with me then.

That's when I realised I would be "that guy" the (coward) who was bitten by a zombie, knows the consequences of this and subsequently hides it from the rest of the group so that he could further his own miserable life before coming under the influence of death and killing a couple of people before having his head blown off, by usually the quiet one of the group! But I didn't care, I mean the clock was ticking and I didn't have too long before I'd be like your average Jeremy Kyle guest, so I did what I've been doing best so far... I lied.

So I left zombified Pope flailing inside a locker in the secret laboratory and went in search of Polly and Milli... I slowly climbed the staircase, holding a lead pipe (that I'd found in the billiard room next to Colonel Mustards mutilated corpse) and ready to bash any zombie brains in. I search a couple of floors of the hopital but couldn't find them... until the very last door I tried.

I looked through the window and to my horror saw Milli attacking Polly, she must have been bitten and we hadn't realised, so I burst through the door ready to save him...

Well, it turned out that Polly hadn't needed rescuing after all, and infact Milli and Polly had taken the time to assess the situation and thought they'd have a quick... ahem. Suffice to say I left the room, gave them a minute and then re-entered and we've not spoken about the events since, and likely never will...

When quizzed about Pope's whereabouts I lied. "Well, we were in luck you see as there was one last doctor left and he had an ambulance but not enough room for us AND Pope so I let him take her to a laboratory futher inland, to help her out." The little bit of false hope that I had just given them soon dissapeared when we heard shouting outside.

We ran to the window to see Royston screaming "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit..." and running back from the road he had fled down... but this time with no zombies following him. We rushed downstairs to greet Royston, but he just ran past us yelling "RUN!!!" as he...well ran.

We three looked at each other and then back the way he was fleeing from... and now it dawned on me exactly what the scientists had been wondering about... what kind of mutations someone who didn't have the incest-ridden genes of the Nefarians would experience...

The ground shook as what I can only describe as the incredible hulks flat mate came at us... it was the Braymachine... except he was much larger, his fat seemed to have been replaced with muscles and he (like the hulk) seemed very angry... oh and bitey.

I turned to suggest we concur with Royston's plan, only to be greeted with clouds of smoke from where Polly and Milli had already started running from. As I ran away from our impending doom I wondered if it made Braymachine into an unstopabble killing machine, then maybe Pope would turn into something... hopefully something that couldn't get out of a locker... then I wondered what would happen to me? What changes would my body go through... it was bad enough going through the changes of pubity let alone Zombie Virus (tm) changes!

Well we ran for the rest of the day until Royston we came to a large river... we had no choice but to dive in, lest the (Braymachine who was suprisingly agile for a man of his stature), catch up with us and do whatever it is large mutated zombified IT people do... I'd imagine it'd involve death and a Powerpoint presentation (the two things I fear most in the world!).

So we dived into the river, which was stronger than a yorkshireman's cup of tea, and were swept down stream. I didn't remember there being a waterfall on the brochure, but aparantly... there was. So after nearly drowning (to death?) we soggily got out of the water, and Royston (using his daytime television viewing) started a fire to warm us all up, using a book that Polly had stashed away written by Steven Fry (which thanks to his English wit, was dry-er than any other material on earth)

So we're lost... well they've been lost officially since day 1, but now I'm lost... I'm lost and slowly dying with three people who I would later try and kill... probably. Well maybe in the morning, with any luck, I'll get my bareings... oh and if you think that this blog is badly spelt or uses poor gramatical phraising then kiss my ass... I'd like to see you use your knowledge of the english language to update a blog when you're soaking wet, typing with your good (non-zombie-wounded) arm, surrounded by zombies and on some island in the middle of nowhere!!!

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