Thursday, 3 February 2011

The Brain's Backstory

The Brain's Backstory

"Well I can only imagine what you must be thinking" a camp disembodied voice said to Hagley and I as we stared uncomfortably into the jars that contained the floating brains that were The Directors.

"Let me explain..." which the floating brain in a jar went on to do in a grand over the top fashion, but I can honestly say I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been, and certain tidbits of information may have been lost in the recesses of my brain somewhere, so I'll tell you what I can remember.

When The End happened, The Directors were having an emergency meeting at the Theatre, as the Theatre was going through a particularly bad spell. In fact it was hemorrhaging money due to the new 3D SuperPlex-Cinema that had recently opened in town.

After several ideas as to how to draw in a crowd, they were interrupted by The End! The Directors heads expanded until their brains exploded out of the top and began to float about. Floating around as a brain wasn't easy and they found that dirt and fluff started to cling to them, so they made the technical crew that were still about, make them large jars so they could float about without worry of attracting anything to their new soft forms.

They weren't just floating brains however, as they had discovered that they had gained psychic powers and began to use these powers to seek out other living beings and draw them to the Theatre. At first, these people were helped by The Directors, as it became public knowledge pretty fast that there was a group of Chavs abducting people (Ray and Shav's chavs to be precise), so the people who came to The Directors were allowed to stay in the relative safety of the Theatre.

One day The Directors thought of a great morale boosting idea. "Why not put on a show for these people?" and they did just that. They got everyone involved and they all had a great time to begin with... but after a few months, people began feeling safe again and wanted to leave the Theatre. The Directors had always wanted a captive audience and so they began to use their powers to keep the people there against their wills.

There were several escape attempts made, like Chris Haze (A small fella I knew) He had broken into wardrobe and made himself a pair of wings, got onto the roof of the Theatre and jumped off to fly to freedom. Unfortunately he fell to his death and his body was stuffed and mounted backstage to warn anyone else that if they tried anything, they would face the same fate.

Food became scarce, but the directors were able to secrete a disgusting substance from their brains, which was high in essential nutrients. So everyone had to eat whatever the hell that stuff was or they'd starve. Personally I don't know which is a worse fate, eating some unknown gloop from a floating brain or starving to death.
Fast forward a few months and most of the original people had become exhausted from the constant performances or dead, so The Directors began a search for new talent, and that had lead them to finding Hagley and I.

After that back story, we were brought back to the painful reality that three floating brains were forcing us to perform in their pantomime, like a couple of performing monkeys who could sing and dance. Any objection was futile, as they could and would kill us at any time they wished, so we both agreed to just go along with it for the time being.

"That's super, well you'd better meet the rest of the cast! Pally, would you be so kind?"

And with that, Pally Arvin lead us off to meet the cast, all of whom, surprisingly, were people I had known before The End, and a few of them would die.

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