So there I was in a classroom full of dead children with their teacher, a close friend, who had no concept of reality or proper toilet etiquette, my two speaking cats and standing in the door was a creature so freakish that it would have made Pete Burns look normal!
The thing watched me from the door, as Hagley stood up from her desk and whispered into my ear.
"I know she doesn't look great but be kind, she lost Irish a while back."
My heart skipped a beat and my stomach sank as I realised that The End had somehow, like Shav, mutated another friend of mine. The creature that stood before me was Molly, one of my oldest and dearest of friends, who now looked like the result of some strange human-frog cross breeding experiment.
Of all the fates of all my friends I think that Molly had the worst of it. Sure, Hagley was "FUBAR", what happened to JP was pretty terrible, The Grays made the best of their situation and you'll be finding out soon enough about the horror that was "Panto Season", but Molly's fate was one of the worst.
Molly you see, was my Celtic friend, who'd been living in sin with her charming boyfriend Irish. He was called Irish as he was Irish, and it goes to show how un-imaginative our collective group of friends had been when it came to nicknames.
Irish and Molly had been going out for years and Molly had finally after years of trying, gotten Irish to propose to her. They were due to be wed at a large purple castle in Cork, however that was before The End, so the fact that Irish had been "lost" presumably dead, made things even more tragic for the weird purple-tinged monster that stood in the door frame.
Molly looked like she was happy to see me, but I couldn't tell if that was just how her deformed face looked normally or if it was genuine happiness, till she put her arms around me... those horrible leathery arms.
Her arms, like her neck, were elongated, and I knew then, what it would have felt like to be the victim of a boa-constrictor, as her arms wrapped round me twice and squeezed me into the small frame that was her body. I shuddered and kept my face away from hers for fear of catching something or being devoured, the same way a kid does when an aging relative wants a kiss.
"Master, what in the name of Kentucky Fried Chicken is that thing?" Professor Humperdink asked me, his voice a little shaky from fear.
Molly released me and looked down at my cats, who began to hiss when she approached them. They tried to run, but her long arms grabbed them and she began to stroke them both. I say stroke, but it was more like abuse. Their eyes nearly popping out of their skulls as her hands roughly stroked back the fur and skin on their heads.
Hagley turned to me again and whispered to me whilst Molly was distracted by the cute fluff balls that were my cats.
"After things went dark, Molly and Irish were staying with me and Myke... we tried to get out of town, but the roads were blocked by these large insects. A flying one... like a wasp... took Irish and stung Molly. She started to change... I know what she looks like, but she's the same... just... quieter. The kids here don't seem to mind her..." she looked back at the dead classroom and smiled.
"Anyway, Myke decided to go after Irish whilst I took care of Molly. He told us to wait at the school... that he'd come back for us when he found out where Irish had gone... but... but that was nearly a year ago now..."
I felt that someone needed to shake Hagley out of the insane funk she was in, and as her only non-mutated friend, I felt that that someone was me.
"Hagley!" I said, as I grabbed a hold of her "Snap out of it, the children are dead, Myke and Irish probably are too, and Molly... we'll she's as good as dead. Look, I need to find my long suffering lady wife Louise, why don't the two of you come with me, you'll stand a better chance with me than you will waiting here for whatever it is you're waiting for."
"But who will teach the children...?" she cried
"I'm sorry to have to break this to you Hagley, but not even the national curriculum can help these kids now" I replied.
Hagley looked sane for a moment, just a moment, and then ran as fast as she could out of the room, barging past the freakish Molly who dropped the cats and whirled round to see where her friend was going.
In the state that she was in I was worried that she'd do something stupid, so I decided to run after her, leaving my cats in the care of the repulsive Molly. So as I stated, I ran after her, thinking that she would go for the main door to leave the school and maybe try to find Myke and I was correct on my assumption.