Once upon a time in a far away kingdom called Ireland, there lived a little Scottish lady called Milli.
Milli was a kind soul and loved children and sweet things, so much so that she had her husband Michael make her a house out of sweets.
On a sad day in October, her husband was having dinner when he suddenly exploded. This is how most Irish people die.
Milli was very sad and decided to stay in her house for the rest of her life.
Opening her front door she found two little children eating at her gingerbread walls.
Instead of being angry, Milli was happy to see two sweet little children who had obviously been abandoned and asked them if they wanted to come inside for supper. The children smiled and agreed, as if the lady’s house was made out of nice food; imagine what she had for dinner!
“What are your names?” Milli asked them. The boy cried “Hansel”. The girl cried “Gretel”.
"Well my children, you look very thin, let’s fatten you up with some nice grub”
And so Milli made them a massive feast, with sugar plum ice cream, treacle bacon and custard egg and IrnBru Candyfloss to top it all off!
The children were full to the brim and sat back with massive grins on their respective faces.
For the first time since her husband exploded, Milli was truly happy.
That’s when Hansel pulled out a gun.
“What are you doing?” Asked Milli
“You’re obviously a witch who will bake us into bread” replied Hansel
“Wait, I’m just a lovely old lady” Milli pleaded.
But it was no good, Hansel shot her through the front of the head and she bled out in seconds.
The moral of the story is this:
Don’t build a house made of sweets, or children will kill you.