Friday, 7 January 2011

Prisoner Transfer

Prisoner Transfer

Well, I survived Christmas, so I guess I better keep writing this like I said I would.

To recap, more for me than for you, I had escaped Ray and Shav momentarily and bumped into my now crazed friend Hagley who believed the class of dead children were learning whatever it was she was teaching them. Unless she was teaching them to play dead, they weren't doing very well and would probably fail any exams she had planned to concoct.

Then my ol' pal Molly appeared, another friend who'd survived the apocalypse only to be more messed up than she was before it, she was heavily mutated and just plane weird looking. I tried to shake some sense into Hagley that her partner Myke was probably just like the children in the class room, i.e. dead. But she ran off, the crazy bitch.

As I didn't want her to do something she'd later regret, like killing herself, I decided to run after her, leaving my two cats in the care of a monstrous weirdo who for all I knew, would eat them both in an instant.

I had thought that Hagley would run out the school's main entrance and I was right, but she was stopped by the same Chavs I'd been trying to hide from. There was no point trying to get away from them as I was already out of breath from chasing Hagley, which was odd for a guy who was able to climb Snowdon before The End, with such ease.

So, I shall continue...
We were tied up in no time and the Chavs marched us out of the front doors, all the while Hagley cried and wouldn't respond to me trying to soothe her with false promises about how we'd be okay and that there was nothing to worry about. They were surely going to get revenge for me killing Ray and Shav even though it was actually Simba that killed them both by knocking Ray into Shav's mouth and choking her to death.

At this point I was totally oblivious to the idea that maybe they had survived, but ignorance was bliss.
The Chavs were silent all the while as they walked us down the long and lonely road back towards Ray and Shav's house. I recall that I was wondering what would happen to my cats, who had been left in the care of the weird entity that was now Molly. How long would they survive? And then I thought again of my long suffering lady wife Louise, was she even alive? I'd find out of course, but not yet.

My memory isn't what it used to be thanks to recent developments that I can't go into right now, and this particular time in my life is a little hazy, but I'll try and be as accurate as my memory allows me to be.

We'd been walking some time and Hagley was getting tired but the Chavs wouldn't let us stop as they were pretty much brain dead and had no needs apart from to fulfill whatever orders they had received from Ray and Shav. So in true girly fashion Hagley fell to her knees and the Chavs immediately moved to her to pick her up, which was when the people who had been following us for a while, decided to strike.

Arrows shot from behind two bushes, that I hadn't noticed (due to being in a world of my own) had been following us. My first thought was that the bushes were another thing that had been effected by The End and were going to kill me before Ray and Shav got a chance to, but these particular bushes were people in disguise.

Those Chavs didn't stand a chance and within a matter of minutes they'd all been dispatched and our would-be saviours revealed themselves. It didn't surprise me in the slightest that once again it was someone I recognised, and I do remember that that was the first time that I thought I had died and gone to my own private Limbo as everyone seemed to be people who I knew. This wasn't the case.

The two men who stood before me were older than I'd last seen them and had been affected by The End in yet another way. I'd met both of them at my local theatre when I had done Youth Projects in the past and over the years (due to distance and different lifestyles) I'd lost contact with them.

The first guy was Jayme More, who had been Scottish before the end, but after The End his accent was so thick that he sounded like Chewbacca from Star Wars after smoking sixty fags a day. The other guy was Bin Nutter, who was rocking an enormous Afro and whose eyes never stayed in one place for more than a second. It was creepy. He kind of looked like a Ghetto Chameleon

As Bin untied us, Jayme said something in his native language that neither myself nor Hagley could understand, but luckily his pal Bin was able to translate.

"He said, you're lucky we found you when we did, Shav's Chavs have killed some of the most talented people. It's such a waste for The Theatre."

I shudder at the very thought of that dark place, but I started so I need to tell you all about Panto Season and the horrors that I endured. So, where was I? Oh yeah...

I thanked the pair for saving us and told them that we had to go back and get my cats and Molly, but they weren't having any of it. For like the Chavs, this pair had their orders and they had to fulfill it or face the wrath of The Directors. (please feel free to insert a dramatic "dun dun dun!" everytime you read "The Directors")

"You're not going anywhere" Bin said, at no one in particular due to his eyes constantly shifting. Jayme then uttered something in whatever the hell language he was speaking, to which Bin replied "That's right, we're taking you to The Theatre, you're exactly what we need..."

Hagley smiled at me and said "Are they taking us to see Myke?" to which I lied and said yes, just to keep her fragile mind on something positive.

And with that, we had gone from being prisoners on their way to certain doom, to being prisoners on their way to un-certain doom.

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