My faithful blind, deaf, dumb and parapalegic manservant Manfred, who I bought off of an old chinese couple on my latest trip to Afghanistan, came up to me this morning with a newspaper.
I was shocked at first that he had managed to get out of the cage I keep him in, but my eyes were drawn to the attention of the newspaper in question. I read the paper and was shocked at the state of the world in general, and decided there and then that something had to change before things could get better. I thanked Manfred for this inspiration in the only way he understood, by beating him round the head with the newspaper.
So, I am intending to take over the world... sorry, I mean "unite" the world, under my leadership I believe that the world will be a better place, where children can run in the streets without fearing obesity, where the only kind of reality tv would be documentaries on how great the current world leader is and a world where Starburst is called Opal Fruits like they're meant to be.
But I can't do it alone, that's why I will be seeking out help in the form of my friends and close relatives in hopes that they can aid me... and if they can't, then I'll have to kil... reason with them... right, off I go to formulate a plan.