Tuesday, 7 October 2008


Trying to catch a rabid spidermonkey, that had killed a small latino family, with a lassoo made from extension cable turned out to be a fruitless endevour and my job of animal welfare officer ended with an honorable dishonorable discharge.

I've spent the time since my last post training my cats, Professor Humperdink and Simba, to do the housework whilst I am away. And let me tell you, they were shit.

They kept running away from the hoover, climbing into the washing machine with the washing and couldn't wash the windows properly.

Have you ever tried to get a cat to wash up? Well after several days I thought they had mastered the art of washing up, with the Professor washing the dishes in water and Simba drying them up.

However, I came back early one day and found Humperdink licking the plates clean and Simba rubbing his body against it to dry it. I had to sit them both down and show them what happened to the dwarves in Snow White after the woodland animals had cleaned the house for the lazy bitch, using there tongues and various apendages. They all contracted Cholera and died a horrible death. Proving my point, you can't trust an animal to do a human's job, they cut corners worse than we do.

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