Monday, 20 September 2010

Good Neighbours

Even if you don't live on Ramsey Street, it's important that you have good neighbours, perhaps with a little understanding.

When my long suffering lady wife Louise and I moved into our home, we were convinced that the neighbours connected to our semi detached house were either Vampires or growing drugs, or a mixture of the two. this was because we never saw them during the day, their curtains were stapled shut, and we heard strange noises from them. Having watched the brilliant film "The Burbs", I was more than a little concerned we were living next door to the Klopeks.

2 years on and we were wrong about them being vampires. They're actually a nice "foreign" couple (they're eastern European, but I don't know quite where) and haven't exploded when I've seen them in daylight. Are they growing drugs? Probably, but who isn't these days?

Well, I'm not. But in my sleep deprived brain I imagine most other people are.

On the other side of our house however, are two old ladies. I wasn't around when they introduced themselves to my long suffering lady wife Louise, which is more the pity as she was unable to tell me which is which. One of them is Beryl and one of them is Babs. As far as I'm concerned they are interchangeable, and it's been so long since we first met them that too much time has passed to stop proceedings and just say "I'm sorry, but which one is Babs?"

Also, I wonder what exactly do I know about my neighbours? I mean, what do I really know about my neighbours? I'm sure the people living next door to Fred and Rose west thought they were maybe a little odd, but never suspected they'd have bodies under the patio!

Thinking about it, as I tend to do, I don't know anything about Beryl and or Babs. The one time we invited them over for coffee they snubbed us, stating that their arthritic dog couldn't be left alone for seconds (perchance for fear of Goblins?)

My long suffering lady wife Louise said they were sisters, but are they? Maybe they're lovers? Maybe they were cell mates and escaped from a mental asylum prison twelve years ago?

They are old, live together and have a dog. This is all the information I have discovered over the past two years.

So this weekend, I decided I'd find out a bit more about them. I was about to leave my house to break into theirs, when one of them was at my door. I wondered what she wanted and at first thought that maybe she'd killed the other one or wanted help milking her dog (she could be crazy after all)

In the end, it was the exact opposite of milking her dog, she'd come over to ask about Professor Humperdink, my injured cat, as she'd not seen him for a while and was concerned. It actually touched my blackened heart that this lady took time out of her busy dog milking schedule to come over and ask about my cat.

After she left I put my "breaking in to discover their true identities" idea on hold, at least till Christmas.

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