Tuesday, 23 September 2008


I'm a fan of Picnics, not the chocolate bar of the same name as they contain nuts, and I don't like nuts ever since that encounter I had in Poland with an old lady and a jar of peanut butter, long story, to cut it short it ended in world war II, which is odd as I've never been to Poland and I wasn't alive at the beginning of world war II, but I digress...

When it's a nice sunny day here in Kefeklahania I like to take my long suffering lady friend out for a picnic, she will spend the morning preparing a delightful hamper whilst I kill germans and play WWII games on my xbox370 (yes I have the next model up!)

So we will find a nice spot and lay a blanket on the supple land before opening the hamper and gorging ourselves on it's delicious innards. But when I open that hamper, it triggers off an alarm in the bowels of the earth, where Mother Nature sits there in a leather chair stroking her pussy (cat). As soon as the alarm goes off Mother Nature presses the button which launches every annoyance possible at me to stop my enjoyment of a lovely day.

I like the outdoors, but I hate nature. She always spoils a good day! Picnics are the worst though as not only am I swarmed by ants trying to get my delicious goodies, but she sends in the big guns. WASPS.

I don't mind Bees, they have a purpose. They help make Sugar Puffs, and other honey based treats, even though I hate bee excrement as much as I hate Mr. Kipling (the bastard with all his pies and cakes!) but Wasps... they have no purpose but to hurt. I'd rather have a spider come near me than a Wasp, and I have mild arachnophobia.

I'm fed up of Nature literally pissing on my bonfires as well, so I am writing a very harsh letter to the goverment to see what the plan on doing about her. I will let you know what they reply with as soon as I get it.

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