Thursday, 22 January 2009

Zombie Survival : Day Eight

A Zombiefied Humperdink (Scary Thought!!)

Life is a rollercoaster, it’s full of ups and downs and it gets scary just before you throw up… plus it doesn’t last long, and there are always big queues…

Well, I had just realised that I had A) come back from being zombiefied and B) I had eaten someone. I was a little disappointed however, as I hadn’t seemed to change in anyway shape or form. Whereas Braymachine had turned into a ravenous tank of a machine and Pope had turned into a flying creature of death, I was just little old, blood soaked, me.

After leaving the relative safety albeit blood stained, I found that I was indeed in Port Venture, and on further examination Cap’n Skipper’s boat was anchored up, so he had come back to us after all. I made sure the coast was relatively zombie clear and “pegged it” to the boat. I would need the keys to get it started, and I presumed that Cap’n Skipper had them.
That’s when I noticed luggage… Cap’n Skipper had brought some people with him!! But where were they now?

One thing was certain, I did not want to spend one more god forsaken second on this zombie infested island. However just like having 2 Christmas dinners it sounds good on paper, but when you experience it for yourself it’s more painful… and keeps you anchored to the toilet for a few hours!!! But could I just get the keys off of Cap’n Skipper and leave any friends I had and these new people, to their inevitable fates?

The answer was a resounding, yes. What the hell, I thought, they’re probably already dead, and I had no wish to join the ranks of the un-dead again. So I did what I thought was best at the time, and that was to go back to Cap’n Skipper’s corpse and take the keys!
I snuck back into town and into the bamboo shack where Skipper was laying in a pool of his own blood/urine. (I think that’s how he’d like to be remembered) I put my hand in his pocket and felt around… I wondered why his keys were testicle shaped and what they were stuck on… then realised I was grabbing a dead man’s balls… so I turned him over and put my hand in his back pocket, sure enough the keys were there!

It was at this point that Cap’n Skipper decided to stand up… now I had my hand in the pocket of a zombie… luckily Skipper hadn’t noticed me just yet and was more concerned with leaving the bamboo hut… I tried to get my hand out of his back pocket but it was stuck, so I had to follow him, like all those people in the golden goose story, except this time the goose was a zombified sea dog.

The cap’n decided that he wanted to go towards a large group of other zombies who were spending their time eating the remains of what appeared to be a cow. Then he stopped, sniffed, and turned 180 degrees, luckily I went with him. The next thing I new I heard a gunshot and a bullet went into Skipper’s chest…

I looked up, someone must have been trying to save me, it was Polly sans clothes, and with claw marks on his shoulders. Polly shot again at Skipper’s shoulder…that’s when I realised that he wasn’t aiming for Skipper, he was aiming for me!!!
Using zombie Skipper as a zombie shield, I ran forwards towards the boat, all the while having bullets thudding into the confused Skipper. As I reached the boat, I was able to free my hand from Skipper’s trousers and pull the keys out. Pushing Skipper into the water as I fled, I jumped into the boat, and put the keys in the ignition.

That’s when I heard Royston say “Not going to happen” that’s when he knocked me out… I woke up in a crude hut, the bamboo door is locked and the bamboo windows are boarded up with bamboo. I am now a prisoner I guess of Polly and Royston. Where Milli is I have no idea…

Just when I thought I could save my own oily hide, I’m stopped by a mad naked guy and Royston! The story of my life I spose…

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