Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Zombie Survival : Day Six

Well, out of the long line of history's worst decisions, my decision to create and then personally travel to a zombie infested island is right up there, next to sailing on the titanic or moving to Iraq.

I really should have thought this through and am regretting it more than that time I got my balls stuck in a toaster... I had to toast them to get them out by the way.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise, blair witch style (minus the snot), to the families and loved ones of the doomed souls I brought with me. To Mrs. Braymachine, I'm sorry you'll never know the joys of having children with Mr. Braymachine, but at least you can cancel the direct debit with Domino's Pizza now. To Pope's family, I'm sorry you'll never be able to see your daughter go through re-hab, she's in a better place right now. To Royston's better half, I'm sorry but I think he's going to miss his wedding day... it's not his fault, he'll probably be dead. To Milli's loved ones, I'm sorry she was scottish, but it's not her fault. To Polly's loved one's, the up side is that you wont have to hear his wierd music again... and the downside is... um... well Pub Quizes wont be as easy...

Royston and I had concucted a plan that was short of genius, using everyday house hold objects in what can only be described as sheer A-Team brilliance, we were able to construct, over a montage of course, a hang glider!!! According to Royston's calculations, one of us would be able to glide past the zombies by climbing a very tall tree we passed, then that person would glide over the zombies through the tunnel and into the secret laboratory, and from the laboratory turn on the security system gun turrets that I "found on the dead but no longer mad scientists PDA". (I actually didn't find it on the PDA, I already knew about it.)

So then we had to decide who would be gliding, I personally didn't want to take the risk and told them as I am short sighted and didn't have my glasses, I'd probably miss the tunnel completley. Milli couldn't do it as she was Scottish, so Royston, once again had to take the inniative.

He went off with the hang glider in tow, leaving me and Milli to watch from the window. I couldn't see much in the dark so took my glasses out from my coat pocket.

We waited with antici......pation for Royston's amazing flight. We waited for a few moments, and then, there he was, flying like a magestic eagle, closing in on the zombie ridden tunnel... then... a gunshot!!! Royston's flight was cut short, I looked up to where the shot had come from, it was POLLY! He was in a tree, pistol smoking in one hand whilst reading what looked like some "Keats" and completly... naked??

Polly had obviously gone Lord of the Flies crazy, so now we had zombies + crazed friend to deal with... Royston landed short of the zombies, but the gunshot had drawn their attention and they swarmed on Royston.. I heard him say "Not again" shortly before he ran for his life through some bushes with some zombies in toe, at least it was keeping him fit I suppose. This was our chance, Milli and I ran for the tunnel, bullets whizzing past us as we went from Polly's sniping poetry reading tree, then he jumped down infront of us, and stood between us and the tunnel.

Polly confronted me, and told me that he knew why we'd brought him to the island, I asked how he worked it out, and he told me that he hadn't worked it out, he'd read my blog! I asked why he shot Royston and why he was naked. He told me that he was the only one who deserved to live... yes he HAD gone Opal Fruit crazy. Then as he pulled the trigger he was swooped up into the air.

It seemed the Zombie Virus (tm) had had some different effects on Pope afterall, as I watched her fly into the distance, using her newly formed wings whilst holding Polly in her zombie talons.
Milli looked at me and asked if what Polly had said was true, I lied and told her I didn't even have a blog. I'm a bastard.

Milli and I began to walk down the tunnel, thanks to Roy clearing it with his unexpected diversion, then... the ground began to shake... I knew what was happening before it happened. Braymachine had found us, probably following the blood trail that my arm had been leaving!! Milli turned towards him and screamed... He ran towards us, and I ran away... Milli stayed screaming... I got to the door and closed it behind me. I was in the laboratory... but my friends were all un-dead/shit brick crazy/running through the bushes or soon to be ex-scottish.

Following the passageway I got to the secret laboratory, which were suprisingly empty, found the zombie cure (tm) and injected myself with it... the thing is... I don't feel any different and the bleeding isn't stopping. I'm sitting here in the laboratory looking through research notes and trying to work out how to get off the Island... actually I'm feeling pretty hungry. Could do with some steak, never been a fan of rare steak, but could actually do with something... the bloodier the better... I wodner if thyev gut a ketchin in hearr.. reuly hangry... muust eet sumfink...

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