Monday, 5 January 2009

Interview with a video game character...

#1 Mario!

Adam: Hello everyone, today I am interviewing Mario Mario, Japanese computer comany Nintendo's italian mascot. Hello to you Mario Mario, may I just call you Mario.

Mario: It's a me... Mario.

Adam: Okaay... but it wasn't always was it? I have your birth certificate here, stating that your name is Jumpman

Mario: It's true, I was born Jumpman, but I felt like I had no identity, so I had it changed legally.

Adam: So what's with you and the princess? I mean, you've been rescuing her for 20 odd years now, have you gotten past 1st base?

Mario: A gentleman never tells.

Adam: A gentleman also always wears gloves when he's making love... is that why you have a pair?

Mario: No, I'm a plumber, that's why I wear gloves

Adam: I've never seen a plumber with gloves as white as yours, and you've been "plumbing" for 20+ years!

Mario: I'm good at what I do, and that's what gets me. Everyone knows me for my gymnastic prowess, being able to stomp a few hundred enemies, beat up a massive lizard every now and again and of course rescuing princesses and flying round the galaxy in various different suits thanks to getting hats of various shapes and sizes... But nobody knows how good I am at plumbing. Let me tell you, I am the best damned plumber that ever lived. I spoke to Nintendo so many times over the years over making a plumbing game, but they didn't think it'd sell.

Adam: I don't know, I reckon a wii plumbing game would work. Jiggle the plunger about with the wii mote, be a bit like Wario Ware.

Mario: Please don't talk about that fat bastardo in my presence.

Adam: Oh sorry, you're not on best terms with your alter-ego?

Mario: I'm not on best terms with a lot of people.

Adam: How about your brother, Luigi?

Mario: We had a bit of a falling out a while ago, I mean he had that whole mansion thing where he had a titular role, and I was relegated to a painting, but he helped me out a few times when I was missing and lost in time. We get on okay.

Adam: Did you see much of the roylaties made from the movie about you?

Mario: Like hell did I BOB HOSKINS? BOB HOSKINS? How the hell do I look like Bob Hoskins anyway? At a push they could have cast John Candy, but I guess he's not quite as athletic as me.

Adam: It was a shit film

Mario: It's like Nintendo saw the Star Wars Holiday special and liked it, then thought... hmm Mario would be good in something as bad as this.

Adam: So, back in the early 90's you had some rivalry with Sonic the Hedgehog, was that more a Sega Vs Nintendo, or did you actually hate him?

Mario: Don't get me started on that drug infused prick

Adam: This comes from the man who uses "mushrooms" to grow

Mario: Hey, they're magic mushrooms. Sonic was a fad, his games suck now, whereas mine reign supreme. He had to muscle in on one of my games to sell some units, and I beat his ass in shotput.

Adam: I'd agree that Sonic's not been as good in 3d, but he had his moments in 2d.

Mario: Look at his sidekicks? He has hundreds, I've never really needed any, most my adventures are me, a couple of goomba's and Bowser. He needed to sell more units so Sega gave him a whole ******* zoo! Plus his main villain, Dr. Robotdick kinda looked like me, he had a mustache and everything!
Adam: Yeah but, he wasn't italian or anything.
Mario: I kicked his ass in Super Smash Bros on the Wii, and I'll do it again, name a place and a time, and I'll ***** the ***** with a ******** and **** ***** ****** ****** cumcumber up his ******** furthermore he can bite my italian ass!

Adam: Okay Mario calm down dude

Mario: If you see that Sonic, tell him I'm a looking for him!
{Mario then left down a pipe, what a prick}

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